Arby's new crinkle fries! Plus a return to Keeneland

 The last time I stepped foot inside an Arby's was in 2015.  I'll never forget it.  I was in line with some of Richmond, KY's finest at exit 95.  After patiently waiting, I confidently asked for a large order of fries with a large Coke.  The Arby's employee said, "a large Coke and a large curly fry?"  I said, "I'm sorry.  Not curly fries.  A large order of regular fries."  Her next words went through me like a thousand arrows.  "Sir we only serve curly fries."  I looked at her to see if she was kidding, but she had a look that begged me for help.  A look that screamed out, "Why can't I work at a place with better french fries???  Why me?  WHY HAVE I BEEN SO CURSED?"  I didn't answer her unspoken questions.  Instead I just turned around silently and walked away.  I thought I'd never give Arby's another chance.

Then I saw the commercial with the famous deep voiced Arby's pitch man singing, "I want curly fries!" to the theme of Sugar Ray.  GENIUS!  What a great commercial!  It got my attention immediately, and I dreamed of writing a review where Arby's came off like the prodigal son.  They abandoned me.  They abandoned everyone who had the good taste to dislike curly fries.  Now they were inviting us all back with improved fries!  I remember their old fries were basically just Applebee's fries.  They weren't offensive, but you weren't leaving your house to run out to get them.  This would be crinkle fries!  Time for awesomeness!  Here we go for the review that literally tens of you have asked for!

They sure do look good in that picture don't they?  I was slightly worried when I read the CEO of Arby's description of the fries saying they had a light batter.  Fries should not feel or taste battered.  However these did not look battered at all.  In fact, they looked nearly perfect.  Then I tasted one.  No.  This is not something that deserves such a great marketing push.  These fries are limp.  No crisp at all, and the insides were not a fluffy wonderful thing either.  They were what you would expect from a carnival food vendor that had chicken tenders and fries sitting under a heat lamp for a few hours.  The drive through was busy though, so these should have been freshly cooked.  

The worst thing was I could taste remnants of curly fry spice on these fries.  The whole idea of bringing back curly fries is to give something to those of us that can't stand the spicy curly fries.  That dream is completely destroyed by serving these to anyone.  The greatest fries in Central Kentucky (as anyone with great taste knows) comes from Charlie's Fish Market.  Know why they never taste fishy?  They are smart enough to use a separate fryer for their french fries instead of putting them in with the fish.  Arby's failed that lesson.  They obviously cook the crinkle fries in the same grease as the curly fries, as well as anything else that they serve that is fried.  

The bottom line is that these fries were a GIANT disappointment.  I do not recommend that anyone try these.  I still tasted the spice of these fries for hours after having just a few.  It would come as a shock to anyone who knows me that I couldn't even get through half of these fries.  I tossed them in the garbage wishing I would have just had a nice safe choice that could have satisfied me instead of leaving me longing for a quality crinkle cut fry.  

Thankfully my weekend got much better.  I had the incredible joy of coaching my 4 year old son in his first soccer game.  I was surprised to see his fearlessness on the field (pitch?), as he went after the 6 year old on the opposing team that looked like a child version of the American Dream Dusty Rhodes.  Instead of getting hit by a bionic elbow, my son just kept going after the ball until he was able to kick it away from the young giant.  Thankfully he didn't get my soccer skills, as I was certainly one of the kids that would be daydreaming about spaceships while I was picking at grass.  I have to admit that I did not go into coaching soccer with the best expectations.  Instead of the nightmares of disappointing children and parents with my lack of soccer knowledge, I have been thrilled to see happy kids having fun and thankful parents for doing the job.  

Later on Saturday I had the joy of running into possibly one of my best ex-coworkers and her daughter at Costco.  In this time of COVID, it's crazy to run into people you haven't seen in years when you are covered in masks.  I could see that their smiles were still just as warm and happy as they always were in the past even hidden behind the masks.  It's also great to know that some people are always just as awesome as they always were.  In this case it appears that both of them are doing better than ever.  It was great seeing you both!

Today I had the joy of going to the Lexington KY room at Keeneland.  Polly and I were thrilled to get dressed up for the first time in over a year to be with actual adults!  This room required a tie, so we were both gussied up enough to not get kicked out of Keeneland.  Polly and I responsibly took an amount of cash that we would be comfortable losing, and we set off to have a fun day.  I was told ahead of time that we would have an actual judge sitting at our table.  What do you say to a judge?  Do you refer to the judge as "Your honor" at all times?  "Your honor, please pass the salt."  "Your honor, who do you like in the 4th race?"  The idea of a couple of Keeneland Breezes made me think I might end up saying something that puts me in jail for life.  The rest of our table was way too classy to bring up these kind of questions for the Judge (should I capitalize that all the time?  I don't know!).  Me?  I think you know the answer to that question.  

Thankfully the judge happens to think highly of my wife.  I'm sure their friendship made my idiocy a little bit more palatable.  We even came out of Keeneland significantly up on our bets for the day.  I'd say we were even close to break even when you count drinks and snacks for the day.  Of course none of you care about that.  The real reason to read this far is to find out if the fries at Keeneland are any better than they were the last time I reviewed them.  

Well I've got a mixed answer for you.  On the 4th floor in the nice rooms that overlook the racetrack, the fries are just kind of meh.  They aren't served super hot, and they have pepper on them.  As any true fan of this blog knows, the only spice that should be on fries is salt.  Anything else is an abomination.  They weren't awful, but they certainly weren't great.  By the way, the answer is YES.  I did order off the kids menu.  I also was the person at our table that was the happiest with their order.  It was also funny how many different people who worked the room (counting servers and a manager) who commented that they always order the chicken fingers and fries during work.  I lost count at 4.  

While I was still hungry, I left for the concourse to get some popcorn or my second soft pretzel of the day.  I found that if you are nice to the host stand, they don't care if you bring food into the rooms.  At the time the line for popcorn or soft pretzels was at least 30 deep.  That's on a day where Keeneland is severely restricted for attendance, so I was stunned by the impending wait time.  Since Polly and I were on such a roll, I didn't want to stay away too long.  I found myself in a line where I only had 2 people in front of me to order some fries.  A $5 order had less than a small order of McDonald's fries in a small box, but it was super hot and fresh.  They looked similar to the fries in the picture, but there was a welcome lack of pepper added.  Instead they had a nice sprinkling of sea salt.  Sea salt will hide a lot of sins with french fries, and it sure did work here.  I was thrilled with this order, and I now forgive Keeneland for their past french fry sins.  Keeneland, you now get a passing grade.  Just make sure you don't order fries in the fancy rooms.  

There you go.  Your lessons from this blog are: don't trust Arby's crinkle fries, coaching your child's sports teams can be thrilling, and Keeneland can make good fries on the first floor.  Oh yeah.  I forgot something.  You don't call a judge "Your honor" outside of the courtroom.  

If you have a place you want reviewed, don't forget that I'm open for recommendations!  If a representative of Arby's has read this far, I'm willing to help you out!  Shake Shack famously responded to a bad review, and they made good on their second attempt.  Maybe Arby's can do the same.  Until I let you know that happens, you have my strongest recommendation to avoid.